Astronomy Tower
by MaraudingMusician
Summary: James goes to look for some peace and quiet and meets Lily in the Astronomy tower. Kind of angsty fluff? T to be safe


The Gryffindor common room was dimly lit and some wizard rock was blasting in full volume when James walked the stairs down from his dormitory. People were dancing and some couples were engaged in other activities in the more secluded parts of the room. They were celebrating something, James couldn't quite remember what since it had lately become common to throw parties for every little glimpse of happiness in the otherwise grim atmosphere. Maybe they were honouring no new dissappearences in 24-hours, or something. Whatever the reason for the party was, he was surprised to find out that he wasn't interested in joining it so he made his way out of the portrait and started to walk aimlessly along the corridors and staircases. It was after midnight but he didn't bother with the cloak anymore, there were more dangerous things in the world than getting caught after curfew.

Once the music from the party faded out the whole castle was silent. The torches on the walls gave enough light to navigate the corridors but the view from the windows was dark. It was November and there wasn't any snow on the ground so everything just looked dead. James found himself walking towards the Astronomy tower. He pushed open the heavy wooden door and a cold breeze hit his face and body. He swore to himself for not bringing a cloak but stepped through the doorway regardless. Once he had closed the door behind him he was startled to see that he was not alone. Being in the tower was forbidden outside lessons, so he was even more amazed when he realized that the other person was Lily Evans. She was sitting on the floor leaning into the tower wall and at her feet was a little bluebell-coloured fire. She had heard him come in and raised her gaze to meet his eyes. When he looked at her he suddenly wished that he had gone somewhere else. Her hair was free but a little tangled and she had obviously been crying. She was still beautiful, but he was certain that this was not something she would want anyone to witness. He mumbled a quiet apology and turned to leave, when he heard a voice behind him.

'Hey, don't go so fast, there's room in here for two! Or are you afraid of me or something?'

'No' , he answered, walked towards her and sat down next to her. She looked at the fire deep in thought. Something was different about her and it made him feel uneasy.

'I didn't know you smoked' he said looking at the half burned cigarette in her hand, 'Don't you know that that'll kill you?'

'Yeah, well I doubt that I'll live long enough to die from cancer' she answered and snorted. After that she took a bottle, which was about half full with clear liquid, from the floor and asked: 'Want some?'

'What is that?'

'It's tequila, a muggle alcohol. Sort of like Firewhisky, but tastes better' He took the bottle from her hand and noticed it swayed a little. He took a gulp of the liquid and felt it burn his throat on it's way down. It was obviously strong. He had to admit he liked the taste though. She took a long sip from the bottle after him and put it back on the floor.

'So, a rough night?' he asked in an effort to keep her talking.

'Yeah, I guess so. But every night is a rough night these days so who can really tell the difference anymore' She said before putting the cig in her mouth.

'I guess you're right about that. But I've never seen you like this before, you're always so well composed and on top of everything'

'Like I have a choice. I don't want to become the proof to the theory that mudbloods are useless'

'Don't call yourself that!' he said quickly 'you're nothing but the best damn witch in our year. I mean you're the Head Girl and all. Plus you're clever and compassionate and…' he could have continued the list forever had she not interrupted

'Come on, you know I don't need a pep talk, I'm fine! Let's just talk about something else please?'

For a while they both just watched the fire in silence. Lily lit another cigarette and took sips of tequila every once in a while. James couldn't stop thinking about her unusual behavior and wondering how much she had already drunk before he arrived. He had never seen her affected with alcohol before, and she could drink practically anyone under a table in no time. A worry started to grow in his chest, but at the same time he felt excited that they were sitting there by themselves. They had done that more this year, but the time was always spent dealing with Heads stuff and he always wanted more of her.

'Okay, I'm done with this crap, let's dance!' she suddenly cried out and stood up with impressive stability. He looked at her with surprise in his features, but she dragged him up before he had a chance to protest. She started to move and took his hands in hers making him dance with her. She hummed some up-beat pop song loudly but James couldn't quite distinguish what the song was. Her tiny hands felt cold in his and he squeezed them a bit in a vain effort to warm her up. She looked esquised as the moonlight made her dark red hair shine and brought out the freckles around her nose. She was dressed in her schoolrobes and had a warm-looking cloak on her shoulders, but despite her quite normal outfit and makeup-free face she was one of the most beautiful things he had ever layed eyes on.

After a while her movements started to seem a little clumsy and unstable, so he helped her sit back down on the floor next to the fire. She leaned her head agaist his shoulder and turned it so that she could admire the stars far above them. He followed her lead and found himself oddly relaxed despite his side and shoulder burning where she touched him.

'You know when I was little I used to believe that when a person died they became a star in the sky and looked down on their loved ones every night' she said with a quiet relaxed voice. He didn't have time to respond before she continued 'That wouldn't be so bad would it? But then I noticed that all the stars are really far apart, so you would spend eternity alone. That wouldn't be cool at all. Now I just don't know anymore. It feels good to think that they still love us and watch over us, but wouldn't they want to move on you know? I wouldn't want to be stuck forever watching other people live their lives.'

She took the bottle in her hand again but there was less than half an inch of the liquid left. With difficulty she took her wand out of her pocket but it slipped through her fingers and fell clattering to the floor. After retrieving it she pointed it toward the bottle and swerved it in a circular motion making the bottle fill up again. While she took a big gulp of the liquid he couldn't help but be amazed that she could fill the bottle up nonverbally in her current state. She lit another cigarette and started talking again:

'You know I started smoking after my father died? I remember it made me feel so powerful, like I was rebelling against everything in my life. The laws of nature, I mean. I rarely even smoke anymore, it doesn't feel the same now. Maybe it's because I'm older or something. A lot of things are not the same as they were when we were fourteen.' she finished with sadness in her voice.

'I'm so sorry about your father, it's today isn't it?'

'Yeah, it's today. Or yesterday, I don't know what time it is.' she answered and shivered a little. He wrapped his arm around her and she continued 'I feel so alone these days. Everyone else has a family, siblings and relatives, and I only have Mum and Petunia.'

'How are things with her?' he asked. James had heard about them being on not-so-friendly terms from Moony but he didn't know the details.

'She doesn't answer any of my letters anymore, hasn't for a year. And she doesn't talk to me when I'm at home, so I guess we're not speaking to each other. And Mum is constantly trying to get us to make it up, but there's nothing to do. She just hates me for being who I am. Part of me feels so guilty for not making a bigger effort, since Mum wants nothing more than to see us being friends again and I'd like to make her happy. Who knows how long she has now that her cancer is back.' A single tear fell from her eye and made it's way down her cheek. He too felt a lump form in his throat.

'But you know that you'll never be alone, right? We won't let you. Me, Pads, Moony and Wormy, we'll always be here for you'

She turned her head to look in his eyes and for a second he though that she would say that a life with them in it would be her worst nightmare, but something in her breathtakingly beautiful green eyes told him that that wouldn't happen. Instead she thanked him with a very quiet voice and put her head back on his shoulder.

After that they just sat there beneath the stars in the chilly night in silence for a long while, immersed in their thoughts. The fire warmed their feet and legs but their bottoms and backs started to feel numb against the cold, hard stone. After a while Lily started to doze off, so James put the fire out and took her in his arms. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders when he picked her up and carried her away from the tower, towards their dorms. It looked like the party had ended a while ago. Since he couldn't take her to her own bed he carried her up to his dorm and set her down on his bed. After removing her cloak, robes and shoes he covered her with a blanket and pressed a light kiss on her forehead before heading towards the common room couch.


End file.
